We haven't spoken in a while. Two years? Longer?
What did we used to talk about when we would go to the park together after school?
I don't remember.
Do you?
Do you think we spoke about important things?
Sometimes it still makes me sad. I'm not sure where you went, or if it was me instead who left. I don't know why I'm writing this.
I believed you.
I believe in a lot of people.
Maybe that's wrong.
I think I pretend to be strong and to be independent and fine. Because I don't feel it.
I live so happily in my thoughts for a while. Each little thought gets me through the day. I've tried to step out of them and get in touch with reality but that doesn't always work. I think it is safer that I live in a land far away. No one can get me while I'm there and I can't do anything I'll regret.
I wish there was a restart button. A button that I could press and then start the day, the conversation, those few steps in passing again. I wish I could take so much back.
I know this will happen, but I don't listen to the smart side of my brain. I just choose to stay aloft in a sugar coated place where all my hope is in vain.
I'm sorry things fell out, I know they can never be the same. And I'll miss you.
1 comment:
I believe that things were always important, even when they seemingly weren't. You know how sometimes people say useless things, but that useless thing needed to be there...everything that happens needs to happen, for one reason or another. I don't know why I believe that - I guess it makes it easier to understand the world if I believe that there is meaning in everything.
It's hard to live up to what I believe are your expectations. I don't take judgment very well, so it's much easier for me to present a shell of myself than to show me in some sort of 'entirety'. I'm scared (and emotionally retarded?) I don't know.
But besides my own issues...
It makes me sad that you seem so convinced of finality. Of some bleak existence. Happiness exists in reality too. I think it's most easily found in simplicity...
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