the road to byron bay

today was a good day.

there are some friends who I really miss and I just don't understand why I haven't done anything sooner.

it's one of those silly things that we put off because we're afraid? or ignorant? or maybe just purely self-absorbed. I think I'm all those things at once. or atleast I think I was before.

why do we always keep waiting? why do we never tell that girl how beautiful she looks even though every time we see her we're taken aback by it? why do we never tell that boy who stood by us through our tantrums and played chinese whispers with in the middle of the night how much those moments meant? what if it would make their day?

I'm trying to make things change. put the wheel in motion. first step was to make many little thank you cards. now, it is time to write letters.

there was a boy in officeworks the other day (a few weeks ago) who truly made my day. we didn't talk that much but he really was a bundle of light. he didn't walk - it was a sort of skip. by the way: by 'boy', i mean he was probably my age or more. he wasn't a child.

just some thoughts:

things I like:

chocolate fixes

the boy at the pharmacist

porridge + honey

walking

the weather - all sorts

putting flowers in my hair (especially those chains of flowers)

rearranging my room

travelling

emily - you have the most beautiful lips. yes, I stare at your lips.

more thoughts:

I will be driving to byron bay this year. I am yet to gather troops and work out where i will be staying. but I definitely want to go. and as they say... where there's a will, there's a way.

hmm... I think I will write a song or a poem or something of the nature and title it 'the road to byron bay'. I will be come a hippy for a few days and then bring back additional piercings and a thread dread - not actually sure what they're called. I will wear baggy clothes and no bra (not that I really need one). I will learn to play the harmonica and bongos. Then, we shall have a hippy party here where we smoke only our fish.

today I think I reasserted that I'm not that bad. sometimes i forget it and cut my hair and break my nails and scratch my face. i don't scratch my face to hurt myself. I just get really itchy when I'm a bit overemotional. I think its pms. I always get horribly possessed around this time. today I feel that I've come out of it though. nevertheless my skin has been extra oily I have developed two symmetrical pimples on either side of the midline of my face. it's truly amazing. as if they communicated. i was hating myself for a while. not just for this. but using this as an excuse to be annoyed at myself. but then i rediscovered chocolate and endorphins and just told myself that all these feelings were hormonal. and somehow. knowing that this was just a part of some biological chemistry that no one really knows how to fix - well, it made me feel a heck of a lot better.

have a nice night - dream with the angels